“Nigel,” she pouted, “we can let them go.” Her hair luffed in the artificial sea breeze exactly as required by the screen play.
The actor playing Nigel turned to the camera and spoke to it, “What the hell. She’s a cyborg. Why would she care whether illegal immigrants suffer in a detention centre?”
Turning back to the female lead, he shouted angrily, “If he hadn’t brought his family, I’d have said the father was a criminal on the run from the law.”
In the director's chair, Jeff cringed, but let the shoot proceed.
The school girl playing Kim spoke with authentic passion when she said, “So what if he is. I'm a criminal too you know?” She came up and took hold of the Nigel character's shoulders. The Nigel character tried to back away, but she held on firmly. “I’ve done shocking things, Nigel. Maybe it was not my choice, but why should I go ....um” She hesitated for a bit then kissed him passionately. The much older actor held his hands up, a declaration of innocents but then, presumably because he thought this was part of the script after all, responded by embracing her.
“Cut cut cut.” Jeff jumped from his director’s chair and charged down the ramp onto the yacht where the action was taking place. The two actors reluctantly separated while the rest of the caste and crew watched on with amusement. “What was that all about?”
She smiled shyly. “I forgot my lines, sorry.”
“And the kissing? That’s not in the script for another two hundred pages – some where in the sequel I think.” He'd not bothered to read the sequel again. They would be lucky to get this mess on a cable channel after midnight.
“Sequel? Return of the killer cyborgs I suppose?” cracked an older actor nearby who was playing the boat’s captain, badly. Jeff glared at him but several of the crew laughed.
Melisa, playing the part of Kim, hopped up and down a little. “I didn't know there was going to be a sequel. Sorry about messing up just now. They told us in drama class that when we forget our lines, we should adlib.”
Jeff remembered just how young she was. She shouldn’t be kissing actors three times her age even for artistic licence. He’d not gotten around to asking her parent’s for permission to even be here yet. But since she was untained by any ameteur production company and she was doing this for free to add to her portfolio, he needed to treat her gently. “A little adlibbing is fine," he told her. "Shall we try again, using the script this time?”
The male leads mobile phone went off at that moment and he grabbed it from his pocket with some embarrassment. “Sorry, sorry.” He snatched a quick look at the text and then marched up the ramp past Jeff. “Got to go. My wife is having a baby and she thinks I should be there.”
The executive producer, who had been dulling her pain with a cocktail for the marina's bar, jumped up screaming. “But we’re filming the final scene on the beach in hour!” She tried to tackle the fleeing actor but tripped on her high heels and nearly fell in the harbour. When she got up, she was both furious and humiliated. “That’s it. This project is off, in more than one sense.”
“Just a hiccup.” Said Jeff.
“This is just the icing,” said the producer. “The writer isn’t happy with the title change. Edwin, the guy playing the CEO hasn’t turned up for this afternoons shoot. I’ve reason to think he got a better offer and was pulling the plug anyhow. We’re done folks. Pack it up and let’s cut our losses.” Melisa started crying.
In an amazingly short time, Jeff was left standing on the yacht alone. When the yacht’s owner came down from the marina club house to demand payment for the use of their facilities, he could only mutter, “It could have been a great film.”
“Not from where I was standing, mate.”
That evening, Jeff consulted Google. He was sure he could save the project if he had better casting. The options, that had been limited to begin with, were more so with what remained of their budget. Big stars demanded big payment, and nobody wanted to see a film with amateurs, least of all Jeff. This was to be his big come back after the disaster "True Love and Gravity" became.
His eyes were getting tired, but his mind was still racing, so he switched to one of his favourite multi-player shooters. Two hundred zombies down and he was nearly ready for sleep, when a popup add in the corner of the killing field caught his eye.
“Cyber thespians.” Everything was cyber something these days. Had he been less tired, he would have let it go, but somehow his trigger finger clicked the link and an old fashioned stage filled his screen. Michael York calmly walked onto it - the floor boards squeaking slightly. He was dress imacutely and his eyes held the glint of the devil in them. His eyes focus on Jeffs and he addressed him directly. “What type of film would you be wishing to direct?”
“A good one.” Jeff scoffed and was surprised that the avatar laughed.
“But jokes aside, please tell me what is your desire.”
“This is impressive." Michael bowed in acknowledgement and waited patiently for Jeffs reply. "Ah.. I’ve started making a drama based on a Science Fiction story by Robert Parker - you might have heard of him. How can your Cyber thespians help?”
Michael spread his hands and the stage was populated with all manner of aliens, mutants and zombies. Muscus began to ooze towards the foot lights.
“It’s more about people. Contemporary scenes. Could you show me a boat marina for instance?”
Michael snapped his fingers and had doned beach wear.. He was standing on the very boat Jeff's production had used that afternoon. “You see we have access to your cloud sever - I hope you don't mind. And it is apparent that not much progress has been made on this film. Also apparent, your budget is quite modest.” The yachts in the fake harbour shrank in size and Michael, now in loin cloth, was standing in a tiny dingy. “Maybe once you have made some test footage we could look into finance options?”
“Ah. Well, what would I have to work with in the trial version?”
“We only limit your choice of cast, but that should be quite adequate for a pilot.” Michael was joined in the tinny by three other actors. “This is the caste that is available to you, but they may perform multipul roles.”
Gregory Peck, Audry Hepburn and James Cagney struggled to avoid a capsize. They were laughing at their predicament.
"But what about yourself? Can I call you Michael? You could be my lead."
Michael faned modest. "You drive a hard bargain Jeffrey, but yes, I will be your lead." Jeff notice that the smile on the Gregory Peck avatar vanished.
“Great," Jeff said to Michael, "When can you start?"
“My talents have not been appreciated for ages, so we are at your service immediately.”
“Let’s begin. You have the script? Please go to the scene where Nigel first meets Kim? Camera rolling. Action.”
Only the next day, filming was interrupted by a phone call. Jeff, who hadn't slept, shook himself and noticed for the first time that the sun had risen.
“Hi Geoff." It was the author. "Sorry to intrude, but Eleanor won’t return my calls and I've heard that you’d stopped filming my story. If it’s about the title change – I’m not completely wedded to ‘Community Services’ title. It’s just the killer cyborg thing seemed a little too ...I don't know. Tacky?”
“Don’t worry, Robert.” Geoff exuded confidence. “I’m still filming, just not with real people. Check this out. I’ll feed the video of the labour exchange scene over to you now.”
Several minutes later Robert responded. “Wow. Michael York makes a fantastic Nigel - so subdued and moody. As for Kim, I’d always had trouble imagining what she would look like, but Audrey Hepburn as a punk in this scene is perfect. The transformation to sophisticated femfatle couldn't be better. I can’t say that I’m sure about James Cagney in drag as Sharron. Still his performance is excellent.”
“And not even a grumble on the twenty seventh take. These virtual players are just fantastic. With you permission, I’ll complete a few more test scenes before I seek the finance to complete the film.”
On the phones screen, Robert gave his thumbs up. “Keep me in the loop Jeff – but what I’ve seen look excellent.”
Jeff and the crew from Cyber Thespian worked their way through two more test shots over the following week. Gregory Peck had some difficulty playing the part of Trevor, the community services worker whose intellect had faded from excessive time as a zombie slave. Surprisingly, just when Jeff was loosing patience, Audrey stepped in with some guidance and Gregory's performance shaped up.
For the next scene, he chose the one on the yacht and here, Gregory and James seemed to immensly enjoy playing multiple roles - not something that they had done before. James again went into drag as the immigrant mother. It almost seemed a pity that they would have to reshoot with a complete caste. That would come later and Jeff tried not to think about the cost for a professional membership of the Cyber Thespian cloud service. He was far too addicted to worry about cost.
He agonised over the last scenes. If he was going to get an angel to finance him, he’d need to show that the sequel was as good, if not better, than the first part. So he chose the finale and the initial conflict between L1 and L3 – the two killer cyborgs. Since there was no set or road crew to worry about, there was no reason not to shoot it sequentially. So his caste found themselves in the immaculate Japanese garden of the CEO of Cyborg International where the two waring cyborgs would first be seen together.
Michael York would continue to play Nigel. Jeffrey again as the L3/Lucy/Kim cyborg composite. She looked stunning in her high fashion party outfit. And Gregory Peck would play the part of the confident CEO while James hammed it up a little as the asian dupe.
“Lucy!”
She turned to find the owner of the property approaching. “Shut you eyes and look stupid.” She whispered to Nigel who was pretending to be a zombie.
“You’re looking good Frank.”
The CEO of Cyborg Industries grinned in appreciation. “Tennis. Four times a day. It is so easy to humiliate these humans and I love it. But what have you been up to? You’re off line more than necessary and you never call. You are supposed to be my mistress. People are starting to talk. Even my wife is beginning to think I must be over you.”
L3/Lucy/Kim did not take this rebuke kindly. “It’s only a number, L1. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Frank frowned. “I’ll always be L1 and you’ll always be L3. Nothing can change that.” He moved forward as if to embrace her.
“So,” she said turning her back on him and coming over to brush some spider webs off Nigel's uniform. “You put on a man’s skin and you become a chauvinist?”
Frank laughed, “Sure. This skin I’m wearing owns you. Don’t let it worry you. What concerns me is that you have changed. What exactly have you become?”
“Something better,” she hissed and then laughed herself. “Of course that’s just the opinion of half the human population. The other half still can’t make up their minds. One moment they idolise us, even crave us, and the next moment, if we are lucky, we are placed in a gilded cage. Who will own me when you are gone?”
The smile on Frank’s face froze and his head jerked towards Nigel. “Is that why your chauffeur follows you? Am I to be deposed?” She shook her head. “What then are you up to Lucy?”
“I just charmed a customer on your behalf. Surely you could at least say thank you.” She indicated Nigel. “I just brought this muscle as a bit of backup. You can never tell with men, and Tee Ling would have lost much face if he had succeeded in raping me. You’re a man now. You should know how it is. Better to be interrupted in the act than endure the humiliation of rejection.” Frank did not seem convinced and was still looking at Nigel warily. “Go back to your party Frank. I’m hardly going to stage a coup with one T series cyborg and a party frock.”
Frank grunted. “I’ve heard it said before that keeping a mistress can cost more than dollars. Be careful Lucy. The humans will not expect me to be this tolerant.” With that warning, he turned back towards the house.
“Okay, cut. That was fantastic guys.” Jeff was estatic. The tension between L1 and L3 had been thick as. Back on their home stage, the actors joined hands to bow to him through the screen. Michael was on one side of Jeffrey and Gregory was on the other – reluctantly also holding hands with James. After their bow, both Michael and Gregory turned to admire Jeffrey, but Jeffrey had eyes only for Gregory. James backed up slightly and pantomimed to Jeff that Jeffrey and Gregory had goo goo eyes for each other. Michael noticeiced this and in his fury squeezed Jeffrey’s hand too tightly. She let out a yelp and snatched it away from him. Jeffrey and Gregory glared at Michael and he glared back.
Jeff coughed and instantly the actors were their normal jovial selves. “Are we ready to do the final scene on the beach?”
They all nodded and instantly the garden was replaced by sand, gentle waves and a beautiful sunset. Then, just as Jeff had in his screen play, two cars came flying over the cameras view and plough into the water. The pursuiting car rolls over the first and the two cars end up one balancing on the other. Huge arcs of lighning climb out of the salt water as the batteries are discharged. These special effects were much better than anything Jeff had hoped for.
The doors are flung open and Jeffrey, as L3/Lucy/tKim runs through the water towards the beach. In hot pursuit, Gregory, as the CEO, jumps from the top car and dashes after her – cold fury in his eyes.
He catches her and they land heavily in the sand. A kung-fu sequence then ensues that made Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon look like a PlaySchool. Gregory clearly has the advantage of weight, but Jeffrey is young, mblfast, nimble and smart.
While this is going on, Jeffs sees Michael, bloodied and broken, has pulled himself from the wreckage and stagger up the beach towards the fighter – he picks up a child’s sand bucket as he goes and just as Gregory is about to land the killer punch on Jeffryhe bucket of water over him. The cyborg, Michael throws the bucket of water over him. The cyborg collar around Gregory's neck sparks and smoke pours from it. Gregory is momentarily frozen and then falls onto his back convulsing.
Audrey, her makeup unblemished, accepts Michael's hand to rise. Just as they are about to embrace, Gregory is suddenly, impossibly, between them and snaps Michaels neck in one swift move.
“No no no.” Jeff jumps from his seat in front of the screen and dances around his study. Then he stops and laughs. “Oh great joke guys. But you could at least have stuck to the script for the first take. I've been so looking forward to this part. Don't you see the beauti of it. L3 takes the T series collar that Nigel has been wearing and uses it to march the poor CEO off to drown in the toilet. The prohesy of Nigel's death is revoked. It has such perfect symmetry.”
Michael hadn’t gotten up from the sand where he fallenl and Gregory and Audrey still embraced in front of the last crimson light reflecting from the water. Slowly they turned their eyes to Jeff, a slight condescending smile on their lips. When he looked back to the sand, Michael had gone – Jeff didn’t see it happen.
“What just happened? Where is Michael?”
“Michael who?” Audrey asked.
Gregory laughed. ‘Excuse us Jeff. As you know, Audrey and I are old friends. We found our co-star to be positively intolerable. We will play our own parts from now," he turned to Audrey, "until all the servers run dry.”
“But what about Attack of the killer Cyborgs?”
“Sorry Jeff,” said Audrey, "would you excuse us?" and as they turned to each other to kiss, the light dimmed and an italic “The End” appeared on the screen.
Robert rang again a month later. “How’s it going Jeff? You were going to keep me in the loop. I thought I better leave you too it."
“Not going,” said Jeff, and explained about the unexpected twist in the final scene.
“What? But you’ve got the footage surely? I’m dying to see it.”
“Hmm. You can die all you like, but you’re not going to see it.”
“Why not? Are you drunk.”
Jeff nodded. “I’ll tell you why not. Cause it doesn’t exist. That and everything that Michael York has ever appeared in has disappeared too. I checked. Classic-Flicks-Online doesn’t even acknowledge that he ever existed. Shame - I quite liked Lost Horizon, though many will say that the Austin Powers series will be the greater loss. Phooey.
“And the Cyber Thespians?”
“Never existed either. Figment of my imagination.”
“But I saw the video you streamed to me.”
“Better not say that too loud," said Jeff and giggled. "The cyborgs might make you disappear too.”
Authors note: I hope that Michael York, who is believed to be still alive, if not well, will take his casting as Nigel in my story as a compliment. All the stars mentioned have my great admiration.
Community Service - The draft for the back story which is used for the script in this one.